Finding that special someone to spend the rest of our lives with in love, joy, peace and godly affection. Well, almost every person wants that. It’s called marriage, a union between a man and a woman, a holy matrimony first instituted by God himself, the maker of all things.
Purpose of Marriage Well, when God first made man, he intended for man to have a relationship and fellowship with him. As such, man was to live in the will of God, so you see it wasn’t supposed to be a ‘Christian thing’, it was a ‘human thing’ according to the will and purpose of God.
Marriage is ideally a fellowship and relationship between a man and a woman, to the end that the woman becomes a support system to the man, and even vice-versa.
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that a man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Gen. 2:18 And beyond this, the union of two partners is also intended by God to be a system of reproducing and replenishing the earth.
“And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it… ’.” Gen. 1:28 It is important to always understand the reason for the creation, from the creator.
God originally intended that a man finds a woman, they agree to be together (in marriage), and also bear children according to the will of God. “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24
As Christians today, one of the biggest questions, is not whether God wants me to have a life partner, but the boggle most folks would have, is how do I go about this in a godly, Christian way, as God would have me do it? And which always springs up the question: How do I choose a life partner as a Christian? Good question asked, and we’ll see what the bible has to say about this.
We will look at three steps every Christian can walk with in order to accurately be in the will of God concerning the choice of a life partner, and really they apply to both parties involved. These steps are not the ultimate guide, but I believe every other point may fall under one of these three:
Who are You? It is important that you have a well-defined and clear understanding of who you are, what you are, who you are not, and what you are not. What you can do, and what you cannot do is also important. What do we mean? Whether you are a man or a woman, you must know your capabilities, your abilities, your strengths, your weaknesses, what you can tolerate, what you can endure and to what extent you can manage situations. Looking at Adam as our case study, the first husband as recorded in the bible. How did he get his wife? Let us examine him a bit. Firstly, after God created him, he gave him something to do, in other words, God gave him work to do. God made Adam tend the garden of Eden, and we also see Adam naming the animals which God had created (Gen 2:20). Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean you must be on a job or have work before you are eligible to take steps to choosing a partner, it’s ok if you are waiting for a spoken word of God over you to materialize, or even if things are not working out at the moment, “For many are the afflictions of the righteous…”, but it is essential you have a goal and a direction. It’s important that you have a focus. You must be working towards who you want to be, and what you want your life to be like, and this should be something every believer must do, not only for the reason of marriage, but as living a purposed and intentional life as Christians. Nobody would love to choose a partner without focus and direction you’d agree with me. Just as you have known yourself, so also you must ask to know the plans and goals of your partner, as this is important to making and setting goals for achieving visions together.
Communication is key in a relationship, and both parties must really have a profound understanding of each other’s perspectives and like-mindedness on crucial subjects. As the bible says; “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Ams. 3:3 You must choose a person who is like you, who thinks like you and can agree with you. Its only in business agreements where contrasting ideas bring improvements, but in love relationships, unlike minds only make things bitter.
Have You Prayed About It? The role of prayer cannot be over-emphasized: “Pray without ceasing” 1 Thess. 5:17
This is not a warning, it’s an admonition to the believer who wants to prevail and overcome in life, and that also includes winning in your marriage, right? Yes! So, you must pray sincerely and wait on the Lord: “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength…” Is. 40:31
We need strength in order not to get weary and fail out in our search for the purpose of God for our lives. Finding a partner is no walk in the park, but of course, you could first encounter that special person even at unexpected moments. Before we embark on the mission of finding that person to live with in love and holy matrimony for the rest of our lives, we must give regard to God by seeking His will. So, meeting that person you like so much, and you feel very comfortable around, does not necessarily translate into being the will of God. You must pray and ask God for directions on the next step to take. The place of prayer can not be substituted by any other, for any reason. Pray about it and hear God’s opinion.
Have You Searched? Although, the New Testament does not have a lot to say directly concerning the courtship process for Christians, we must also understand that God did not leave us in the dark about these things, and we have a wealth of knowledge even from the Old Testament, because His purpose for marriage never changed because of time. Therefore, the book of Proverbs says; “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD” Prov. 18:22 To find in this context, means to have searched out, that is a conscious seeking. So, when you want a life partner, you must search them out. When you find someone, who fulfills all godly criteria and also your personal criteria, then you can be sure of the favor of the Lord. Good things come to those who wait, and who seeks shall find.
Choosing a life partner entails both spiritual and physical steps, but our physical workings must only be permitted by the spiritual. It is important to wait patiently while expecting God to speak concerning your requests.